wise words wednesday {31.}...

I have this friend, her name is Ashton. I met her via Blog Land and she has become one of my best friends. In fact in a couple of weeks I am hopping on a plane to Las Vegas to spend the weekend with Ash, and our other bestie Lauren, who I also met through blogging! Anywho, Ashton is wise beyond her years and she gives some of the best advice. I jokingly call her 'Mama Ashton'. Some of her best advice is only a couple of words long, "Pull your life together." Thus inspiring this weeks wise words...

{31.} Wise Words...

This week I will attempt to pull it together. I also know that if I don't, I can sent a rant filled email to Ashton and Lauren and they will still love me through it.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {30.}...

Sometimes life gets really complicated. Sometimes being a female can be super frustrating. Even though we are at a time where men and women are 'equal', sometimes that isn't exactly true. Sometimes I get a little pat on the back, wink, and a "Thanks hun" from a male at work. It pisses me off. Do NOT call me any sort of pet name at work. Do not pat me on the back and wink at me. Do NOT treat me as if you are any more capable than I am. I may come to work rocking out some fierce outfits and ridiculous heels...but that is because I can. And yes, EVERY outfit that I wear to work is accessorized with confidence.

{30.} Wise Words...

Ladies let's all wear our best accessory this week, ok? Ok.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {28.}...

I have being feeling super overwhelmed by life lately. I have gone from having a job that I love, to being really unhappy with my position as of now. I miss being a drug and alcohol counselor, plain and simple. I think that my new position at mental health is amazing and I am lucky to be on the ground floor of a great program, but I spend more time organizing and handling paperwork than getting to know my clients. The new program, The Health Care Collaborative, is starting tomorrow. It has been hectic, stressful, and has created an amazing amount of anxiety in my life. It has just been hard, and we are sort of playing it by ear. I am hoping everything runs as smoothly as possible...I shall be repeating this as my mantra all day long.

{28.} Wise Words...

Wish me luck my friends.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {21.}...

Here is the deal. I blog about my job a lot. I mean a lot. I am sure you are all aware of this because you are kind enough to read my ramblings and rants. I feel as though many of my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts are directly related to my job. I mean they mostly deal with my current state of mind, but I also really hope you all find them as cathartic and healing as I do. I try to choose words that can be relatable to everyone in every walk of life. So, I use these posts to vent. I want all of you to feel free to vent back in the comments section. Share what is going on with you, what is making you happy, what is frustrating you, anything and everything. With that, I go into another post about The Job.

{21.} Wise Words...

{via}

I have mentioned before that my supervisor at work is the head of our entire department. I have mentioned that she is pretty much a big deal, and that it is hard to have her as a supervisor because of the power she holds. Basically she intimidates me. She is a lovely woman, but I make quadruple the effort because I know she is watching me, haha! So since she is such a busy person and is not always available for me to go to with questions, ideas, or concerns, she has been deemed my 'task supervisor'...this basically means she gives me tasks and I get them done with the quickness! I also have a supervisor supervisor. She is someone who is around all the time and yes is busy, but she is someone I can go to if I am having an issue that I don't want to bother The Boss Lady with. I am so, so, so grateful for her. Every week we have a supervision meeting, where we talk, she gives advice, I ask her questions, and I can vent. Let's just say I would be crazier than I am now, if I didn't have her.

Back to the point. I have been feeling kind of lame at work lately. I work for the county, a small county at that, and things go slow. Work isn't slow. We are always super busy, but processes are slow. Getting things cleared, signed, sealed, delivered...it's sloooooow. So, getting this grant program up and running is going at snail speed. For those of you who know me, you know I only have one speed. I am like a freaking bullet train (so says my supervisor supervisor). I want things done yesterday. I like to work hard. I like to beat deadlines. I like to get ahead. I like to have control. I am very black and white. It is either this or that. I don't really have a gray area. It doesn't exist for me. When I went for my weekly supervision appointment last week I vented my frustrations to Supervisor Supervisor.

She sat back and looked at me. Then she started laughing at me. She called me a bullet train and tried to explain to me that the county is slow, and she understands that I want to go, go, go. She also said that while she understood me, she was giving me an assignment. Her exact words were, "Alex...things go slow here. You are over thinking things, and you don't have control over those things. I honestly see you doing big things in your life, not in this county because you will outgrow it, you are already ready for something bigger. I am going to make you grow now, and you will hate me for it. I am ordering you to live in the 'gray'. To be uncomfortable in the gray. I know it will drive you crazy, but it will be good for you." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. Me? Live in the gray? Learn to be comfortable there? Fuhthewah?!

I gave her a straight up crazy face...and then she told me she was going to smack me if I looked at her like that (this is why I love her). So, this week I am in the gray my friends. I am relinquishing control. I am slowing down. I am going to stop over thinking things. I am going to learn to wing it. Or...at least try to do all of the above. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right?!

Wish me luck friends.

xoxo

I am sickly...and crazy...

So...I am whacked out on meds, bored out of my skull, and home sick on a Friday night. If that doesn't equal a rambling vlog then I don't know what does...

Psbtw...I apologize for the sicknast coughing. I have the plague. What can I say?

xoxo

this week...

I miss blogging. I guess when you grow up, get a job, and are a part of Big Girl World blogging goes by the wayside. I think I am going to try to start using Sunday afternoon to backlog some posts so that my blog will be alive throughout my busy days.

So, in honor of this decision I am sharing with you all what my week looks like, thus far.

{Monday}: I share an office with my favorite coworker, Susan. She is hilarious and I love her to pieces. She runs the women's day treatment program, that I also work in. The only conflict with this plan is that we both are counselors, so we both have individual appointments. So, we have to get together to schedule who gets the office when. Since she is in our out of town office on Monday's, this means I schedule all of my individuals on Monday. That way I have the office to myself. This Monday I have 6 new clients to meet with. That is 6 hours of people who are either in serious withdrawal, or who are totally still high and using. Awesome.

{Tuesday}: Tuesdays are DH days (DH is what we call the women's day treatment program). I love these days. I get to learn and co-facilitate group all day long. Watching Susan work with the women is SO amazing, I hope one day I am as skilled as she is. While I love these days, they are completely emotionally exhausting. I have bonded so much with these clients, I spend 18 hours a week with them, and they all have some seriously heavy stuff going on right now. Between helping run group, I also help the daycare worker with the women's kids. I love these kids, but sometimes they make me want to rip my hair out. Insanity.

{Wednesday}: This is THE big day. My supervisor is retiring in December, he is the only one who has ever ran the program that I work in. This means when he leaves I am in charge of the program, so I have been learning the logistics over the past five months. The second Wednesday of every month my clients have court, my supervisor and I have been going together every month. This month he is not going. I am doing the entire thing solo. This means I am responsible for meeting with the judge in chambers, I am responsible for speaking for the clients in court, basically my ass is on the line if anything does not go right. Am I intimidated? Yeah, pretty much.

{Thursday}: This day is pretty legit. Why? It is Veteran's Day. This means I get the day off. Why hello, sleeping in. I love you. Also, one of my coworkers made signs to hang on the door that our office is closed that day. I happened upon a stack of them last week, they said, "Our offices are closed on 11/11/10 in observance of Vetrens Day." Has anyone ever heard of spellcheck? C'mon people. Come-freaking-on.

{Friday}: This day is always my favorite day. Why? We get to kick back and have a relaxing fun day in DH. We hang on the couches and we just talk and process at a comfortable group level. We laugh, we talk about life, love, and loss. It is a great day. Then Susan and I grab lunch and talk crap in our office for the remainder of the day. I love it.

So, it is a pretty busy week. I adore my job though so it is all good. Plus, I get a day off, who doesn't love that? What is on your to-do list this week? Please share!

xoxo

wise words wednesday {16.}...

I feel like my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts can be a little redundant. I feel like they are always related to my job, and sometimes they are kind of depressing. I then go and try to look for more cheerful quotes, words and whatnot. Then I realize that my job and what I do is becoming a big part of who I am. This job is molding me into a better person. This job is teaching me that there is SO much more to life then I ever thought possible.

I am learning to not be so judgemental, and that every single person is full of their own complexities. It is showing me that I am compassionate and empathetic. It is showing me that I am not heartless and cold like I have always presented myself to be. I am beginning to think that I will make a great counselor. That I really am making a difference. There are days where I despise my job, but for the most part, I really enjoy what I do, and that is a blessing.

{16.} Wise Words...

Everyday I go to work I work with people who have nothing. When I say nothing, I literally mean NOTHING. Some sleep under trees. Some eat out of garbage cans in order to buy formula and food for their children. Some have been beaten and assaulted. Some have sold their bodies for money or drugs. Some have lost everything except for their lives. Yet they are trying. Most people look down upon them. They think of them as useless druggies, or even worse they don't think of them at all. I think of them all day, everyday. Some of their situations haunt me. They are so much stronger than I will ever be. I look up to them. They teach me. They show me how blessed I am. I hope by me sharing these stories they open your eyes a little as well.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {13.}...

As I have stated before; I love 'The Job'. It is stressful beyond anything I could ever imagine, but it is rewarding and amazing all at the same time. It is strange because even though I am 'The Counselor', I feel that I am learning more from my clients, than they are learning from me. I have met so many wonderful people, I have laughed with them, cried with them, and just enjoyed being around them in general. Do I have the occasional asshole client? Yes. Of course I do, but the good more than outweighs the bad.

I do doubt myself sometimes if we are being perfectly honest. I am not trained in alcohol and drug studies, I am trained in psychology. I am learning a lot, and I have a very long way to go. So, this Friday I will be running my favorite co-workers group while she is out of town. This is a group I co-facilitate with her three times a week. It is a perinatal program, which means the women in the day program come to us for 5 hours, three days a week, and they bring their kids to our daycare. These women are amazing. I am inspired by them daily and I love them all and their children. This is a large group. It is a total of 15 clients. Whoa. I have ran groups by myself, but only when there were 5 people and it was for an hour. I have ran this group under supervision. But as of Friday, I am flying solo. I am terrified. Which brings me to the wise words of today...

{13.} Wise Words...

Do I have an answer? Not yet, but I am working on it. Step one? Well, that will be stepping up on Friday and rocking that group so hard that the ladies will not know what him them.

So what would YOU all do if you had no fear? Please share!

xoxo

wise words wednesday {8.}...

Something marvelous happened today. A huge wrong was set right. Today equality won. I heard the news and I cried from sheer happiness. Is it the end of the battle? No. Is it a huge step towards winning said battle? Yes. I believe that the right to marry is for everyone. I understand not all people feel this way, and I love and respect those people. I don't 'hate' them, even though I strongly disagree with them. I urge all of you who do hate people who do not agree with your stance to stop. The whole point of this battle is to fight hate. To say no to hate. #NOH8. If you have any negativity, keep it off this blog. Today is not the day, today is loves day. End of story.

{8.} Wise Words...

{via}

xoxo

all grown up...

As many of you already know, today was the very first day of my very first out of college, real life, big girl job. It was a long day...that was pretty hectic and unorganized, but it was still a pretty darn good day! I am SUPER under qualified for the position but I have plans to fake it till I make it! I am sure there will plenty of posts about the job, as for now the day can be summed up by two photos...

This first picture is what my purse (why yes, it IS Coach, thanks for asking) looked like when I started my day this very morning. Please don't mind the tampons front and center. A girls gotta go what a girls gotta do...

This second picture is what my purse (yes, still the Coach one) looked like at the end of my day. Holy chaos Batman! Basically I had SO much paperwork shoved in the bag I feared for it's safety. If one of the straps would have ripped I would have shanked someone...

When I got home this evening I stopped by and picked up the mail, where there was this very bossy letter addressed to me. 'DO NOT FOLD'. Um. Hey packaging don't tell me what to do, aight? Anywho...

Said bossy ass package contained this lovely gem! Yep. Four years of higher education and I get a paper signed, sealed, delivered, it's mine!

So, what does this mean? It means that I have my first big girl job, and am now in possession of my diploma, documented by this very adult photograph. Brace yourself world...here I come...(twss! sorry I had to do it)...

So, what was YOUR first big time job? If you haven't had one yet, what is your dream job? Share with me in the comments section! Work horror stories are ALWAYS welcome...obvi.

xoxo

fill in the blank friday {12.}...

Happy Friday! I just came across a very sad fact...this is my last Friday of doing nothing productive at all. I mean yay for me finally getting a job, but sad for my relaxing no work/school vacation. Alright, let's fill some blanks...

{1.} A very nostalgic place that reminds me of being a kid is Disneyland of course! I grew up going to The Happiest Place on Earth every single summer with the fam. Every time I walk through those gates I feel like I am a little kid all over again. I love it there.

{2.} If someone really wants to show me how much they love me they will know me. Does that sound dumb? They will listen to me and understand all my kinds of crazy. They will know when to leave me alone, and when to be there for me.

{3.} Lately I've been wondering a lot about what the future holds. I feel like I am finally getting started and living my life. It is scary but awesome all at the same time.

{4.} When it comes to saving money I am still learning. I mean I don't do the whole debt thing. I keep myself out of any and all debt. So if I don't have money I don't spend it, but if I do have it...I tend to spend instead of save. I am actively working on it though!

{5.} I'd prefer winter over summer any day! I hate Northern California summers. When it gets over 100 degrees I am basically over life as we know it.

{6.}I wish I knew how to make honey chipotle chicken crisper tacos, like the ones at Chili's. They are seriously tacos made by angels in Heaven. No lie.

{7.} I'm just waiting for it to be this evening so I can have a night out of awesomeness with the one and only Bff Jil! Dinner, shopping, and fro you?! Yes, please!

Have a great weekend everyone! Make sure if you fill some blanks of your own to go over and link up at Lauren's blog!

xoxo

wise words wednesday {5.}...

It is official friends. I am a real life grown up. Nutso, right?! I am SO blessed to have found a job that is 1.) local, 2.) well paying, 3.) helping those who need it, and 4.) allowing me to utilize my BS in Psychology (if you are a psych major, you know what a accomplishment that is!)

It starts as part time, which is a-okay for now! I get my fingerprints (live scan) done tomorrow, and then hopefully I will start next week as a case manager for the drug & alcohol rehabilitation program in the county I live in. I will be doing intakes and assessments on their clients, and watching the head counselor run his groups in order to prepare me to take on groups of my own. HOLLA!

So, what are the wise words of today?

{5.} Wise Words...

Let's live it up. Let's enjoy our lives! The good and the bad! To quote someone I never thought I would quote (ash, this is for you) "Put my hands up, they're playing my song!" Hollllller Miley. Bahaha.

In other news...a momentous occasion has occurred. The one. The only. Bff Jil is NOW on Twitter. Follow her crazy self @bff_jil!

xoxo

a little pomp and circumstance...

I have SO much to blog about, I am very much behind. I decided I will catch up on old posts in between telling you all about the road trip Bff Jil and I just took. If you are not aware of this trip click here and play along in a lovely game I created for you all.

In May something kind of epic happened, I became a college graduate. I was not down with participating in the commencement ceremony at all. Why? Well because I am going to grad school and I feel like I am not even done with school yet...but I gave in and walked to please the family. I was SUCH a picture failure on this momentous occasion...so epic of a failure that I have not ONE picture with my mom from graduation. I am still bitter about that fact. So here is a picture explosion from graduation and the party that commenced that same afternoon. Enjoy...

Sometimes...my school has a cheesy slogan around the stage. "Today Decides Tomorrow." Wow. Brilliant. I totally wonder who came up with that little gem...

Sometimes...I leave graduation early and book it home to take pictures in my cap and gown instead of fighting the crowds in the stadium. Sometimes I also change out of my pretty graduation dress into jeans without thinking they could be seen in this picture with the grandparents, one of which is apparently coughing up a lung...

Sometimes my niece is the cutest thing on the planet (okay she is ALWAYS the cutest thing on the planet)...

Sometimes my mom's friend Julie sets up a bar in the backyard...where Bff Jil, Connie, and I proceed to make (and drink) mango margaritas. Yum...

Sometimes Julie is a terrible example...such as letting Bug be her bartending assistant for the afternoon. *facepalm*...

Sometimes I almost die of shock when I find a picture of my brother Jon-than, and he is actually smiling AND looking at the camera. He is probably smiling in this picture because Lisa is being inappropriate and making him uncomfortable...

Sometimes the calm adults sit around the patio table and shoot the breeze....

Sometimes the wild & crazy adults stand around the 'bar' and do straight shots of tequila...

Sometimes those same wild & crazy adults do more shots of tequila...and more...and more...and then a few more...just for fun...

Sometimes the calm adults and the wild & crazy adults come together for just a quick moment to eat some delicious cake. Seriously, it may look like a cheeseball cake but Costco makes THE best cakes ever. Don't hate...

Sometimes Bff Jil and I take a picture, and sometimes that picture is our 'signature pose'. If you look at every picture of me and Jily it looks just like this one. Faces smashed together and booty's out...we also seem to be wastey faced in a lot of the pictures we have together...

Sometimes my mother's friends attack me when I am taking a nap (aka passed out) in the chaise lounge. Yes, they are crazy. Yes, I grew up with these two around me. Yes, I will need years of therapy because of Julie and Lisa...

Sometimes Jon-than and Bastina hang out and just witness all the crazy that is going on around them (okay I am not going to lie...Bastina joined in on one or two of the rounds of tequila shots)...

Sometimes I feel as though I have to break down a picture for you all. What exactly was going on in this photograph? Well there is a word Bff Jil hates. I mean she screams when she hears it and I am 99.9% certain that it makes her ears bleed as well. What word? Well I like to keep this here blog PG-13...let's just say it starts with a 'p' and is a sicknast word for female genitalia (are y'all picking up what I am putting down?) Everyone decided to start using said 'p' word just to drive Jil crazy...including her dad and her mom...which is who Bff Jil is yelling at in this picture. As for what I am doing in above photo, well I am minding my own bidness drunk texting in the background...

Sometimes I am ridiculous and do dumb things. Sometimes I am responsible and slightly uptight. Sometimes I make my mother proud by getting wasted and then passing out on a lawn chair at my graduation party...in front of all of her friends. Sometimes I get a SUPER bad hangover that lasts for THREE days. Yep. THREE whole freaking days. Sometimes I know I am never drinking again...

So there you all have it. I am a college graduate. I am done with school for the next year. I am a real life grown up now. No more passing out on lawn chairs for this gal. It is time for me to pull on my big girl panties and face the real world. Wish me luck...

xoxo

the bitch is back...

Yep. You read that correctly. I am back in blogging action. Well okay this post is technically kind of half-assed blogging...but full ass blogging will commence tomorrow. Pinky promise!

I have been busy as all get out, hence my short little blog hiatus. Mission College Graduate has now been completed. I finished up last Thursday, graduated Saturday morning, had a graduation party Saturday afternoon/evening and have been recovering from that since Sunday.

Plus, I have just been in a funk. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with school and my entire life changing with one little piece of paper. Maybe I was just pms-ing for like three months straight. Maybe I was just burned out on blogging. All I know is that I missed my blog AND I missed all of you. So, I shall return with a real post tomorrow. Until then lovey dolls...

{via}

xoxo