wise words wednesday {30.}...

Sometimes life gets really complicated. Sometimes being a female can be super frustrating. Even though we are at a time where men and women are 'equal', sometimes that isn't exactly true. Sometimes I get a little pat on the back, wink, and a "Thanks hun" from a male at work. It pisses me off. Do NOT call me any sort of pet name at work. Do not pat me on the back and wink at me. Do NOT treat me as if you are any more capable than I am. I may come to work rocking out some fierce outfits and ridiculous heels...but that is because I can. And yes, EVERY outfit that I wear to work is accessorized with confidence.

{30.} Wise Words...

Ladies let's all wear our best accessory this week, ok? Ok.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {29.}...

I don't know about everyone else, but I realized something pretty darn important a little while ago. Life is hard. It isn't easy. It can be a straight up bitch sometimes. But, life is worth it. It is beautiful. It can be amazing if we allow it to be.

{29.} Wise Words...

The point? We are all going to make it. We may be a little damaged by the time we do, but we will be there. I for one, will be there with bells on.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {27.}...

Just a quick one today! I think ALL of us should be reminded to do this!

{27.} Wise Words...

I hope everyone is having a lovely week.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {23.}...

I have a lot of goals and plans for my life; I mean, doesn't everybody? We all have this picture in our heads of what we hope our lives will look like eventually. I have a vision of what my future will look like, and perfect is not in it. I hope to have a fabulous life, where I accomplish my goals and plans, but perfection doesn't exist. If I am to be 100% honest, I am glad that perfect isn't reality. Why? Because life wouldn't be as interesting and exciting as it is. While I have all these dreams, the one thing I know I will never waiver on is being happy. I don't care what I am doing, where I am doing it, or how much I am being paid to do it, if I am not happy, it isn't worth it. In my opinion anyways. Which brings me to one of my all time favorite quotes...

{23.} Wise Words...

Be happy. That is all.

xoxo

Psbtw...don't forget to enter my giveaway!! It ends on 2/19/11 at 8 pm (west coast time)!!

wise words wednesday {22.}...

Okay so I realize these words aren't 'wise' but they are basically how I felt all day at work today. Plus, they made me laugh. Enjoy my friends...

{22.} Wise Words...

xoxo

wise words wednesday {21.}...

Here is the deal. I blog about my job a lot. I mean a lot. I am sure you are all aware of this because you are kind enough to read my ramblings and rants. I feel as though many of my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts are directly related to my job. I mean they mostly deal with my current state of mind, but I also really hope you all find them as cathartic and healing as I do. I try to choose words that can be relatable to everyone in every walk of life. So, I use these posts to vent. I want all of you to feel free to vent back in the comments section. Share what is going on with you, what is making you happy, what is frustrating you, anything and everything. With that, I go into another post about The Job.

{21.} Wise Words...

{via}

I have mentioned before that my supervisor at work is the head of our entire department. I have mentioned that she is pretty much a big deal, and that it is hard to have her as a supervisor because of the power she holds. Basically she intimidates me. She is a lovely woman, but I make quadruple the effort because I know she is watching me, haha! So since she is such a busy person and is not always available for me to go to with questions, ideas, or concerns, she has been deemed my 'task supervisor'...this basically means she gives me tasks and I get them done with the quickness! I also have a supervisor supervisor. She is someone who is around all the time and yes is busy, but she is someone I can go to if I am having an issue that I don't want to bother The Boss Lady with. I am so, so, so grateful for her. Every week we have a supervision meeting, where we talk, she gives advice, I ask her questions, and I can vent. Let's just say I would be crazier than I am now, if I didn't have her.

Back to the point. I have been feeling kind of lame at work lately. I work for the county, a small county at that, and things go slow. Work isn't slow. We are always super busy, but processes are slow. Getting things cleared, signed, sealed, delivered...it's sloooooow. So, getting this grant program up and running is going at snail speed. For those of you who know me, you know I only have one speed. I am like a freaking bullet train (so says my supervisor supervisor). I want things done yesterday. I like to work hard. I like to beat deadlines. I like to get ahead. I like to have control. I am very black and white. It is either this or that. I don't really have a gray area. It doesn't exist for me. When I went for my weekly supervision appointment last week I vented my frustrations to Supervisor Supervisor.

She sat back and looked at me. Then she started laughing at me. She called me a bullet train and tried to explain to me that the county is slow, and she understands that I want to go, go, go. She also said that while she understood me, she was giving me an assignment. Her exact words were, "Alex...things go slow here. You are over thinking things, and you don't have control over those things. I honestly see you doing big things in your life, not in this county because you will outgrow it, you are already ready for something bigger. I am going to make you grow now, and you will hate me for it. I am ordering you to live in the 'gray'. To be uncomfortable in the gray. I know it will drive you crazy, but it will be good for you." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. Me? Live in the gray? Learn to be comfortable there? Fuhthewah?!

I gave her a straight up crazy face...and then she told me she was going to smack me if I looked at her like that (this is why I love her). So, this week I am in the gray my friends. I am relinquishing control. I am slowing down. I am going to stop over thinking things. I am going to learn to wing it. Or...at least try to do all of the above. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right?!

Wish me luck friends.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {19.}...

I finally feel like I am getting back in the regular blogging groove. This makes me happy, because I truly do love this little blog of mine. It is a good outlet, and it helps me keep in touch with the many ibffs I have made since I started blogging. You all are awesome by the way. Now it is time for a new 'Wise Words Wednesday' post. These can be some of my very favorite posts. I adore this quote...and I honestly don't think that it needs any explanation at all.

{19.} Wise Words...

I think in 2011 I am going to really try to remember this quote. My new motto? No regrets. I am just going to enjoy living! Here is to another amazing year.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {18.}...

Over the New Year weekend, I was basically dying. By dying I mean I was curled up into a ball on the couch, under a blanket, in my pjs, dying of strep throat/sinus infection/migraine awfulness. So, I rented a bajillion movies...and watched them ALL. Seriously, I have to quit partying like this. I am SO hip and exciting, but whatever. One of the movies that just melted my heart was, 'Away We Go'. This movie stars Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski as a couple who are in their mid-thirties, who are looking for a place to call home for them and the baby they have on the way. So they travel all over the place, looking for that 'perfect' place. They meet a ton of zany characters, and these wise words may not make tons of sense unless you have seen the movie, but they are beautiful.

To sum it up, this couple, Verona and Burt, have been together for a VERY long time. They are looking for a home, she is pregnant, she also refuses to marry Burt. Burt and 'Rona travel to see his brother, who has just been left by his wife. The wife who left also left their lovely 8 year old daughter. Thus, this conversation happens...on a trampoline in the middle of night...

Verona: Burt, what are you doing?

Burt: I am calling everyone she knew. Her old company. Her friends.

Verona: At midnight?

Burt: Right. The element of surprise.

Verona: Well, can you stop, please?

Burt: I mean, what kind of god damned person leaves her daughter?

Verona: I don't know. Maybe not such a strong person. Please stop.

Burt: And you know what the worst of it is? There is nothing we can do about it. Because she is gone. And this family can't be fixed. And that is it. And what if one of use freaks out like that?

Verona: We won't. It can be fixed. And you know it. Look at me, please?

Burt: But really. I mean, what if something happens to one of us and just makes us go crazy? I mean, what if I'm walking by a construction site and something falls, and then my frontal lobe gets chopped off and my personality's altered and then I'm not a good dad? What happens then?

Verona: Well, be careful walking near construction sites.

Burt: What about Munch?

Verona: She'll be careful walking near construction sites, too.

Burt: No, really. Don't you just look at her and want to give her everything she has ever wanted? It's so incredibly unfair that she can't...

Verona: It's unfair that she won't ever be able to have a baby, and that bad parents still get to be parents and good parents die when their daughters are in college. So what?

Burt: I'm sorry 'rona.

Verona: Look all we can do is be good for this one baby. We don't have control over much else.

Burt: Will you marry me? At least.

Verona: Never.

*long pause*

Verona: I will never leave you.

Burt: Yeah.

Verona: I promise.

Burt: No, I know. You...you promised never to marry me because you don't want to get married without your parents there. I get that. You promise never to leave me. Do you promise to never leave this baby that we are having?

Verona: I promise. I do. Do you promise to stop talking about your ability to find or not find my vagina after I give birth?

Burt: I do. Do your promise to let me cobble-

Verona: Carve.

Burt: ...carve in my spare time? And let me teach our daughter the lore of the great Mississippi?

Verona: I do. Do you promise never to develop a thing for seahorses?

Burt: I do.

Verona: Good.

Burt: Do you promise to let our daughter be fat or skinny or any weight at all? Because we want her to be happy, no matter what. Being obsessed with weight is just too cliche for our daughter.

Verona: Yes, I do. Do you promise when she talks, you'll listen? Like, really listen, especially when she's scared? And that her fights will be your fights?

Burt: I do. And do you promise that if I die some embarrassing and boring death that you're gonna tell our daughter that her father was killed by Russian soldiers in this intense hand-to-hand combat in an attempt to save the lives of 850 Chechnyan orphans?

Verona: I do. Chechnyan orphans. I do. I do.

Does this seem odd? Yeah, a little. Hence, why you need to watch this film to truly *get* it. This is the most perfect, specific, non-wedding, wedding vows. This to me is romance. Making promises to the one you love in your pajamas, on a trampoline in the middle of the night. Silly, sincere, loving promises. Odd...but true.

Now please do yourself a favor and watch this movie as soon as possible. Holler.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {17.}...

This week is busy, but I just wanted to do a quick and dirty (twss) post!

{17.} Wise Words...

I think I will leave it at that, because who can say it better than Audrey? I hope you are all having a lovely week.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {16.}...

I feel like my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts can be a little redundant. I feel like they are always related to my job, and sometimes they are kind of depressing. I then go and try to look for more cheerful quotes, words and whatnot. Then I realize that my job and what I do is becoming a big part of who I am. This job is molding me into a better person. This job is teaching me that there is SO much more to life then I ever thought possible.

I am learning to not be so judgemental, and that every single person is full of their own complexities. It is showing me that I am compassionate and empathetic. It is showing me that I am not heartless and cold like I have always presented myself to be. I am beginning to think that I will make a great counselor. That I really am making a difference. There are days where I despise my job, but for the most part, I really enjoy what I do, and that is a blessing.

{16.} Wise Words...

Everyday I go to work I work with people who have nothing. When I say nothing, I literally mean NOTHING. Some sleep under trees. Some eat out of garbage cans in order to buy formula and food for their children. Some have been beaten and assaulted. Some have sold their bodies for money or drugs. Some have lost everything except for their lives. Yet they are trying. Most people look down upon them. They think of them as useless druggies, or even worse they don't think of them at all. I think of them all day, everyday. Some of their situations haunt me. They are so much stronger than I will ever be. I look up to them. They teach me. They show me how blessed I am. I hope by me sharing these stories they open your eyes a little as well.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {14.}...

Big Girl World kind of sucks. Working in behavioral health kind of sucks. Having a few coworkers who are morons kind of sucks. Having way too much dumped on my plate because others are incompetent, kind of sucks. Having a client who you bond with, and you see doing really well staying clean and sober, who then relapses and ends up getting their children taken away and back in jail kind of sucks. Saying goodbye to clients who I have grown to love, but have finished treatment kind of sucks. Bouncing from office to office kind of sucks. Having too much to do, and not being able to catch up kind of sucks. Not being able to control every little detail of the day kind of sucks.

{14.} Wise Words...

In Big Girl World I am getting excellent work experience, and beginning my career. Working in behavioral health has given me patience and a love for people that I did not have before. Having a coworker who has become my mentor is pretty much amazing. Having a lot put on my place by the department supervisor means that she is trusting me to work outside of my experience and that is awesome. Watching a client that is staying clean and sober, has regained custody of her three children, and is graduating our program to start an amazing new life is a blessing. Saying goodbye to these women makes me tear up, but because I love them and their children and I am so proud of the work they have done to get control of their lives back, they are happy tears. Bouncing from every office means I can hide from people I don't want to talk to, which rules. I will catch up on all of the stuff I am behind on. I have to release my controlling nature. I have to enact a motto we use daily in treatment for our clients. It is quick and simple.

I am powerless.

In treatment this is not an 'Oh I am SO helpless and can't do anything about it' thing. It is a 'I am my own person. I am responsible for myself. I am powerless over what others do, and what the world throws at me. I will just take things as they come' thing. Thus, I leave you with the ever so cheesy AA/NA line:

One day at a time.

Big Girl World is an amazing suckfest. Yes, I am full of contradictions.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {11.}...

So, I haven't really gone into much explanation about The Job. Only that it is crazy...and that I love it.

Basically I work for the county where I reside. I am a drug and alcohol counselor working with the community members who are non-violent drug offenders, and are given a chance to complete a program, rather than sit their time out in jail or prison. Our services are for people who, for the most part, have very low incomes...some don't even have places to stay.

It is a tough job. It is also a very enlightening job. It makes me think and reevaluate what is REALLY important in this game we call life. It also makes me realize that everyone has a story, that no ones story is the most important story, that we all have our 'stuff' to work through, and most of all that I shouldn't be SO judgemental. If one were to look at some of my clients they would think they are dirtbags and awful people, but they honestly are some pretty damn strong people who made some bad decisions. In other words, they are teaching me more than I ever would have imagined...

Which brings me to the wise words of this wednesday...

{11.} Wise Words...

xoxo

wise words wednesday {10.}...

This is basically how I feel about life right now.

{10.} Wise words...

{via}

Nothing is easy. We all work for everything we have. I find it easy to get caught up in how hard life can be sometimes...but hey, that is how we learn and how we grow as people. So, I say bring it on. It is well worth it.

xoxo

i need to pull my life together...

Whoa. I have been a sucktastic blogger lately. I hate that. I hate that I don't really have tons of time to blog it up, or to even do things to blog about like I use to do. Work is basically making me lame.

What am I going to do about this? Well in the words of my BFF Ashton, I am going to pull my effing life together. I am going to blog regularly, even if it is just a quick hiya to my blog pals. This isn't me forcing myself to blog (because I really do love it), it is just me trying to keep it interesting!

So...I have a lot to blog about throughout this week. Some posts will happen...some won't...but they will eventually be posted (and I am pretty sure no one will be THAT heartbroken if I miss a few days of blogging).

Oh, and do y'all remember the 3o Day Challenge I am doing? Well, it isn't going to be 3o days...it is going to be 30 posts...that happen when they happen.

I am also breaking the rules on this one because I have SO many crushes that to name just one would be blasphemy.

Day 2-Your Crush...

There.
Are.

No.

Words.

Well, except for AMEN!

xoxo

a guest post from 'delysia lefosse'{2.}...

Remember the first time Ms. Delysia Lefosse wrote a guest post for this blog? Yep. She needed some advice and wanted to vent anonymously and I told her she was welcome to take over my blog anytime. Well, that time has come again. Here is Round 2 with Ms. Lefosse.

xoxo-Alexandria

"Scared shitless doesn’t even begin to explain the feelings I am going through right now. You know that feeling that you get when you know something is about to drop from a high distance onto someone, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. That is the kind of feeling I am having, just magnified by twelve. I don’t even know how it is like this. I mean, I beg and plead, and pray, that some awesome guy will come into my life and nothing happens for a long time. Then, out of nowhere comes this man who is amazing, and thinks I’m great too. Now, I feel like it’s just too much. I deserve this too! Not to be selfish or anything, but I literally deserve this relationship. Honest to heaven above. So why, oh why can I not let myself be happy. Okay, it’s not that I am not happy, I am happy, I am just having so many aches and pains and I feel like my heart is full to the brim. Not with love, but with confusion and heartache. Like some sort of spirit is floating above me at all times, and when it sees that I am getting comfortable it drops down a load of bricks into my heart and starts to build up this huge wall.

I am thinking to myself, I need to stick this out. I need to just run as fast as I can from this lingering spirit above me and show everyone that despite its greatest efforts, it cannot weigh me down!! I am WOMAN! I say to myself in my best Tarzan type voice, beating my chest with my fists. This is not going to happen again! I will open my heart, let someone in, and learn to show respect and care for them. Then, it catches up with me and I just feel like I am taking advantage of this whole situation. Why be in a relationship that you know isn’t going to go anywhere but to the movies, hiking, and maybe fishing. My logic is because I need to build my character and be someone who can take care of someone, and see the “type” of people I want to be with. Real life logic says, stop stringing around this guy if you aren’t going to commit seriously.

I have so much I want to do, but no idea how to do it. I want to travel abroad, move around, have a million different jobs. I want to be single when all my friends come home from their missions so I can hang out with them and learn from them, and date them. Selfish? Probably. True? Most assuredly.

I don’t want to be single when I’m single. I don’t want to be in a relationship when I’m in a relationship.

I feel like in this relationship, he is there just to make me feel better. I don’t ever do anything for him. Not that I don’t want to, just that, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a lovey dovey or anything, and I don’t want people to think we are getting married because we aren’t. I plan on serving a mission, and even though it isn’t required of me... I feel like it should be. Maybe my idea will change on that eventually, but for now, it’s pretty solid. Okay not pretty, REALLY. Just what am I supposed to do? How do I go about making this better? Someone is going to get hurt and it’s going to be horrible. I hate it when people hurt, especially when I am the one doing the hurting. I’m freaking out inside right now, FREAKING OUT!

Love-Ms. Delysia Lefosse"

Okay, so who has advice to give? Wise words? Anything? Please, help out in the comments section!

xoxo