wise words wednesday {21.}...

Here is the deal. I blog about my job a lot. I mean a lot. I am sure you are all aware of this because you are kind enough to read my ramblings and rants. I feel as though many of my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts are directly related to my job. I mean they mostly deal with my current state of mind, but I also really hope you all find them as cathartic and healing as I do. I try to choose words that can be relatable to everyone in every walk of life. So, I use these posts to vent. I want all of you to feel free to vent back in the comments section. Share what is going on with you, what is making you happy, what is frustrating you, anything and everything. With that, I go into another post about The Job.

{21.} Wise Words...

{via}

I have mentioned before that my supervisor at work is the head of our entire department. I have mentioned that she is pretty much a big deal, and that it is hard to have her as a supervisor because of the power she holds. Basically she intimidates me. She is a lovely woman, but I make quadruple the effort because I know she is watching me, haha! So since she is such a busy person and is not always available for me to go to with questions, ideas, or concerns, she has been deemed my 'task supervisor'...this basically means she gives me tasks and I get them done with the quickness! I also have a supervisor supervisor. She is someone who is around all the time and yes is busy, but she is someone I can go to if I am having an issue that I don't want to bother The Boss Lady with. I am so, so, so grateful for her. Every week we have a supervision meeting, where we talk, she gives advice, I ask her questions, and I can vent. Let's just say I would be crazier than I am now, if I didn't have her.

Back to the point. I have been feeling kind of lame at work lately. I work for the county, a small county at that, and things go slow. Work isn't slow. We are always super busy, but processes are slow. Getting things cleared, signed, sealed, delivered...it's sloooooow. So, getting this grant program up and running is going at snail speed. For those of you who know me, you know I only have one speed. I am like a freaking bullet train (so says my supervisor supervisor). I want things done yesterday. I like to work hard. I like to beat deadlines. I like to get ahead. I like to have control. I am very black and white. It is either this or that. I don't really have a gray area. It doesn't exist for me. When I went for my weekly supervision appointment last week I vented my frustrations to Supervisor Supervisor.

She sat back and looked at me. Then she started laughing at me. She called me a bullet train and tried to explain to me that the county is slow, and she understands that I want to go, go, go. She also said that while she understood me, she was giving me an assignment. Her exact words were, "Alex...things go slow here. You are over thinking things, and you don't have control over those things. I honestly see you doing big things in your life, not in this county because you will outgrow it, you are already ready for something bigger. I am going to make you grow now, and you will hate me for it. I am ordering you to live in the 'gray'. To be uncomfortable in the gray. I know it will drive you crazy, but it will be good for you." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. Me? Live in the gray? Learn to be comfortable there? Fuhthewah?!

I gave her a straight up crazy face...and then she told me she was going to smack me if I looked at her like that (this is why I love her). So, this week I am in the gray my friends. I am relinquishing control. I am slowing down. I am going to stop over thinking things. I am going to learn to wing it. Or...at least try to do all of the above. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right?!

Wish me luck friends.

xoxo