wise words wednesday {21.}...

Here is the deal. I blog about my job a lot. I mean a lot. I am sure you are all aware of this because you are kind enough to read my ramblings and rants. I feel as though many of my 'Wise Words Wednesday' posts are directly related to my job. I mean they mostly deal with my current state of mind, but I also really hope you all find them as cathartic and healing as I do. I try to choose words that can be relatable to everyone in every walk of life. So, I use these posts to vent. I want all of you to feel free to vent back in the comments section. Share what is going on with you, what is making you happy, what is frustrating you, anything and everything. With that, I go into another post about The Job.

{21.} Wise Words...

{via}

I have mentioned before that my supervisor at work is the head of our entire department. I have mentioned that she is pretty much a big deal, and that it is hard to have her as a supervisor because of the power she holds. Basically she intimidates me. She is a lovely woman, but I make quadruple the effort because I know she is watching me, haha! So since she is such a busy person and is not always available for me to go to with questions, ideas, or concerns, she has been deemed my 'task supervisor'...this basically means she gives me tasks and I get them done with the quickness! I also have a supervisor supervisor. She is someone who is around all the time and yes is busy, but she is someone I can go to if I am having an issue that I don't want to bother The Boss Lady with. I am so, so, so grateful for her. Every week we have a supervision meeting, where we talk, she gives advice, I ask her questions, and I can vent. Let's just say I would be crazier than I am now, if I didn't have her.

Back to the point. I have been feeling kind of lame at work lately. I work for the county, a small county at that, and things go slow. Work isn't slow. We are always super busy, but processes are slow. Getting things cleared, signed, sealed, delivered...it's sloooooow. So, getting this grant program up and running is going at snail speed. For those of you who know me, you know I only have one speed. I am like a freaking bullet train (so says my supervisor supervisor). I want things done yesterday. I like to work hard. I like to beat deadlines. I like to get ahead. I like to have control. I am very black and white. It is either this or that. I don't really have a gray area. It doesn't exist for me. When I went for my weekly supervision appointment last week I vented my frustrations to Supervisor Supervisor.

She sat back and looked at me. Then she started laughing at me. She called me a bullet train and tried to explain to me that the county is slow, and she understands that I want to go, go, go. She also said that while she understood me, she was giving me an assignment. Her exact words were, "Alex...things go slow here. You are over thinking things, and you don't have control over those things. I honestly see you doing big things in your life, not in this county because you will outgrow it, you are already ready for something bigger. I am going to make you grow now, and you will hate me for it. I am ordering you to live in the 'gray'. To be uncomfortable in the gray. I know it will drive you crazy, but it will be good for you." I looked at her like she was out of her mind. Me? Live in the gray? Learn to be comfortable there? Fuhthewah?!

I gave her a straight up crazy face...and then she told me she was going to smack me if I looked at her like that (this is why I love her). So, this week I am in the gray my friends. I am relinquishing control. I am slowing down. I am going to stop over thinking things. I am going to learn to wing it. Or...at least try to do all of the above. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right?!

Wish me luck friends.

xoxo

wise words wednesday {20.}...

I have been a total Debbie Downer when it comes to my life as of late. I am not so happy at my new job. I am missing my old coworkers a lot. I hate the new office building I am in, because it is SO uptight and full of the big bosses. I have an assistant who is extremely annoying. My supervisor is a big BIG boss and is hard to work for/with. I haven't had very much client contact since I started at Mental Health. I am having to present a huge presentation about what I have been working on thus far with the grant money. It is basically a job that is stressing me out, and making me semi-miserable. It makes me feel inadequate...and like, 'What the hell am I, of all people, doing in a room full of super important people?'

Plus, I have missed a few days of work last week because I have been so sick. You know? The whole pneumonia/bronchitis/double ear infection/sinus infection thing. Basically, I feel like I am in over my head and that they think I am so much more awesome and skilled then I really am. This feeling of inadequacy is helped along by the fact that I have some very bitter new coworkers who have been with the department for years longer than I have, and who would have killed for this opportunity. They are not so thrilled with me. But all I have to say to those people, and to myself is this...

{20.} Wise Words...

What now biatches?!

So I may not be 100% happy at my new job, but I will learn to love it. Even though I miss my old coworkers I still get to see them at least a couple of times a week. So I work in the office with the BIG bosses...it is just more time for me to do some networking and get to know those people well. Sure my assistant is annoying, but I am only 25 years old and I actually have MY own assistant. That is pretty badass. I may not be seeing clients all day long anymore, but I am getting a program together that will enable me to do so. I am not inadequate. If I am in a room full of these big important people, then there is a reason I am there. Maybe I do deserve it. Yes, I have been super sick (a lot probably due to stress) but I am on heavy duty steroids and antibiotics so I will get better. Lastly, to those coworkers who are not happy for this great opportunity I have, well they can basically suck it. Hopefully, they will climb down from their high horses and deal with this like adults.

This job is an amazing learning experience. I am making excellent contacts and getting killer letter of recommendations from a lot of people. I am in charge of a huge project we are undertaking and this will look amazing on any and all future resumes. I will start being more positive. I will kill it at this new job.

Just watch me.

xoxo

week in review {1.}...

I honestly do not think I have EVER been so excited to see it be Friday! This week was bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. So, I am not sure if I have shared on my blog that I have a new job. Yep...another one. Let me break it down for y'all. In July I nabbed a super great job working for the county as a Substance Abuse Counselor. I loved that job. I mean I loved it with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. It was a field I never really considered entering, especially working in a treatment court program, but it was an amazing opportunity and I learned so much during the six months I worked for Drug & Alcohol Services. However, in December I was encouraged *cough* forced *cough* to apply for a position that was open in Mental Health Services. How it works with the county is we have the entire Health Services Agency, many departments fall under that category. Mental Health Services and Drug & Alcohol Services are combined under the umbrella of Behavioral Health (even though we share a building it is two totally different departments). Anywho, I was basically stolen from my happy D&A home and moved over to Mental Health. I was NOT happy about that little situation.

Basically because I have OCD organization skills and I work super hard at my job, they wanted me in Mental Health in order to be on the ground floor of developing a pilot project for how smaller counties in California will be handling health care reform when it comes into play in 2014. Hi. I am SO not qualified to be in charge of something this HUGE. I mean...I don't think I can stress how big of a deal this project, and the grant that is paying for it, is. I don't think I want to even try because just thinking about it makes me get gray hairs and frown lines. Yikes. Am I overwhelmed? Yuuup. Is is a stellar opportunity? Hells-to-the-yeah.

Okay, so moving on from complaining. It is a great job. I am going to learn so much. It is going to look killer on an all future resumes. I am trying really hard to be positive about the situation. I miss my old job, and coworkers, but I still see them when I am in the other office building and my new coworkers are pretty alright people. Plus, I really went to school to be in the mental health field anyhow.

So last week my new supervisor set me up with a shadow schedule. She wants me to see EVERYTHING that Mental Health does, so that I can have a full grasp of what the services are, how they are administered, how/if they need to be changed, and what else needs to be added.

Since I have already written a freaking novel (sorry guys, I understand if you don't read all of this) I will just give you the highlights of my first week as a employee at Mental Health Services.

{Monday}: I was bitter this entire day. My main beef was that I was moved to a different office building. We have two main buildings for Behavioral Health, the O-town building (my former home base) and the W-town building (which is so stressful and uptight and where the BIG time bosses work). Guess which is my new home base? Yep...the uptight one. Awesome. I spent the entire eight hours of my day talking to our department head, and reading a 168 page grant. Kill me now folks...

{Tuesday}: Tuesday was SUCH an improvement from Monday. I got to shadow one of our clinicians, who is amazing. She is about 28 and shares my love of all things designer...we were basically pals from the moment we started talking purses. I got to shadow Steph throughout her day. We went out in the field, and I went on some client home visits with her, I met some very interesting people. We had super delish turkey burgers for lunch, took some crisis calls, chilled at the hospital with a guy who was in crisis, then met with a 6 year old little boy whose mother called that he was in crisis. His mom brought him in and it was...whoa. I honestly don't think I have the words. He was a scary little kid. I am not going to go into too much detail, because of confidentiality laws, but holy crap I was scared this boy was going to hurt one of us in that room with him. It was very alarming.

{Wednesday}: Wednesday I had my appointment to sign up for health benefits, life insurance, union stuff, oh my! Then I scurried out of that appointment with the quickness so I could run off to the O-town office, and catch the end of our staff meeting. This meant I was in my old home base! I got to see my mentor Susan, and chat with her, she put my complaining ass in check, and then I was back to shadowing Steph again. We went to our drop in center, and I sat in on a 'Hope and Healing' group , it was a great group.

{Thursday}: Thursday was chill. I chatted with my boss, then headed to the O-town office to have group supervision with all the clinicians, case managers, and whatnot. It was great. Then I had one on one supervision with my direct supervisor...I love her so bad. She is awesome. I of course snuck over to see Susan and the DH Girls in my spare time. Susan and I grabbed lunch. Then I went to Juvenile Drug Court because I was shadowing Tania...it was great. I really enjoyed seeing the juvenile treatment court program, because it is so different than what I did with adults in treatment court.

{Friday}: Basically I spent my morning doing more shadowing, and that's it. Then I left the W-town office to go to O-town because my supervisor is LEGIT! She allowed me to take 3 1/2 hours in order to be at the DH Girls graduation. I was SO happy she said yes. I know I don't work on that side of things anymore, but I love those women and their children. I wanted to be there to honor them, and they told me that if I wasn't there they would hate me forever. It was an amazing, tear filled ceremony, Susan gave a great speech to them, and both graduates gave speeches that warmed my heart. I made a teeny tiny speech, just to let them know that I respect them and that I honor them for all their hard work. Then Susan goes and busts out a certificate to me for my dedication to the women of Discovery House. It was a total surprise, and so very sweet. Yes. I did cry if you were wondering.

Holy crap. I am so sorry I wrote so freaking much. I guess I just needed to vent/share a bit of what week one was like. I am thinking I may do this on Friday's if exciting things happen during my work days. I promise they will be WAY shorter than this one.

Here is to everyone having a very happy weekend! My plans? Sleep...and a ton of it.

xoxo

this is what my job entails...

I know I talk about 'The Job' quite a bit on my blog. That is probably because it consumes about 85% of my life at the moment. Would you all like a peek into what the happenings have been like in my office for the past week? Yes? Ok...this is what went down on Tuesday.

Yep. Santa AND his merry little Elf came to kick it with us at the office. Okay...to be be honest they came to bring presents to the women and children in our perinatal treatment program, but we still got a picture with him. I wish I could share the pictures of the women and the kids, they had SO much fun. It was so joyous I actually teared up. Unfortunately, due to HIPPA laws I am unable to share those photos. So...I will share one of my co-workers.

From left to right: Cindy, who is the always sweet and patient daycare worker, who Susan and I torment with our foul mouths and crudeness. Then there is Bob, who is retiring next week. He has been my direct supervisor since I started working there. Then there is the Elf dude, who was SO good with all the kids. Then there is little ol' me. Santa of course. Crouched down in front of me is my work bff and favorite co-worker EVER Susan.

Merry Christmas y'all. Just remember...one is NEVER too old to get their picture taken with Santa Claus.

xoxo

this week...

I miss blogging. I guess when you grow up, get a job, and are a part of Big Girl World blogging goes by the wayside. I think I am going to try to start using Sunday afternoon to backlog some posts so that my blog will be alive throughout my busy days.

So, in honor of this decision I am sharing with you all what my week looks like, thus far.

{Monday}: I share an office with my favorite coworker, Susan. She is hilarious and I love her to pieces. She runs the women's day treatment program, that I also work in. The only conflict with this plan is that we both are counselors, so we both have individual appointments. So, we have to get together to schedule who gets the office when. Since she is in our out of town office on Monday's, this means I schedule all of my individuals on Monday. That way I have the office to myself. This Monday I have 6 new clients to meet with. That is 6 hours of people who are either in serious withdrawal, or who are totally still high and using. Awesome.

{Tuesday}: Tuesdays are DH days (DH is what we call the women's day treatment program). I love these days. I get to learn and co-facilitate group all day long. Watching Susan work with the women is SO amazing, I hope one day I am as skilled as she is. While I love these days, they are completely emotionally exhausting. I have bonded so much with these clients, I spend 18 hours a week with them, and they all have some seriously heavy stuff going on right now. Between helping run group, I also help the daycare worker with the women's kids. I love these kids, but sometimes they make me want to rip my hair out. Insanity.

{Wednesday}: This is THE big day. My supervisor is retiring in December, he is the only one who has ever ran the program that I work in. This means when he leaves I am in charge of the program, so I have been learning the logistics over the past five months. The second Wednesday of every month my clients have court, my supervisor and I have been going together every month. This month he is not going. I am doing the entire thing solo. This means I am responsible for meeting with the judge in chambers, I am responsible for speaking for the clients in court, basically my ass is on the line if anything does not go right. Am I intimidated? Yeah, pretty much.

{Thursday}: This day is pretty legit. Why? It is Veteran's Day. This means I get the day off. Why hello, sleeping in. I love you. Also, one of my coworkers made signs to hang on the door that our office is closed that day. I happened upon a stack of them last week, they said, "Our offices are closed on 11/11/10 in observance of Vetrens Day." Has anyone ever heard of spellcheck? C'mon people. Come-freaking-on.

{Friday}: This day is always my favorite day. Why? We get to kick back and have a relaxing fun day in DH. We hang on the couches and we just talk and process at a comfortable group level. We laugh, we talk about life, love, and loss. It is a great day. Then Susan and I grab lunch and talk crap in our office for the remainder of the day. I love it.

So, it is a pretty busy week. I adore my job though so it is all good. Plus, I get a day off, who doesn't love that? What is on your to-do list this week? Please share!

xoxo

wise words wednesday {13.}...

As I have stated before; I love 'The Job'. It is stressful beyond anything I could ever imagine, but it is rewarding and amazing all at the same time. It is strange because even though I am 'The Counselor', I feel that I am learning more from my clients, than they are learning from me. I have met so many wonderful people, I have laughed with them, cried with them, and just enjoyed being around them in general. Do I have the occasional asshole client? Yes. Of course I do, but the good more than outweighs the bad.

I do doubt myself sometimes if we are being perfectly honest. I am not trained in alcohol and drug studies, I am trained in psychology. I am learning a lot, and I have a very long way to go. So, this Friday I will be running my favorite co-workers group while she is out of town. This is a group I co-facilitate with her three times a week. It is a perinatal program, which means the women in the day program come to us for 5 hours, three days a week, and they bring their kids to our daycare. These women are amazing. I am inspired by them daily and I love them all and their children. This is a large group. It is a total of 15 clients. Whoa. I have ran groups by myself, but only when there were 5 people and it was for an hour. I have ran this group under supervision. But as of Friday, I am flying solo. I am terrified. Which brings me to the wise words of today...

{13.} Wise Words...

Do I have an answer? Not yet, but I am working on it. Step one? Well, that will be stepping up on Friday and rocking that group so hard that the ladies will not know what him them.

So what would YOU all do if you had no fear? Please share!

xoxo

wise words wednesday {11.}...

So, I haven't really gone into much explanation about The Job. Only that it is crazy...and that I love it.

Basically I work for the county where I reside. I am a drug and alcohol counselor working with the community members who are non-violent drug offenders, and are given a chance to complete a program, rather than sit their time out in jail or prison. Our services are for people who, for the most part, have very low incomes...some don't even have places to stay.

It is a tough job. It is also a very enlightening job. It makes me think and reevaluate what is REALLY important in this game we call life. It also makes me realize that everyone has a story, that no ones story is the most important story, that we all have our 'stuff' to work through, and most of all that I shouldn't be SO judgemental. If one were to look at some of my clients they would think they are dirtbags and awful people, but they honestly are some pretty damn strong people who made some bad decisions. In other words, they are teaching me more than I ever would have imagined...

Which brings me to the wise words of this wednesday...

{11.} Wise Words...

xoxo

wise words wednesday {6.}...

So, to state the obvious it is Wednesday. Which means I am on day 3 of The Job. It also means Big Girl World kind of sucks and makes me long for the days of a college classroom. I mean it isn't that bad, it is just crazy hectic with all that I have to learn. I also can't go into too much detail about The Job, being that it is in the mental health field most of the information is pretty much confidential (no seriously. i spent like two hours this morning trying to find a key that would open one of the file cabinets so I could lock up some files. this box had over 60 keys...not one of which worked.)

Things of note that have happened so far:

-A woman in the office wrote, "My office has a infestation of aunts" on the 'Problems With Solutions' bulletin board. *facepalm*

-I got asked out in group last night. It went like this, "Hey, my wife is leaving me. Do you wanna go out sometime?" Um. No dice.

-I received my official county worker badge to wear around the office and I actually look decent in the picture! Holler.

-I said the 'F' word in front of my boss. Three times.

-I got my very own office. Which is good and bad. Good because I have my own space. Bad because it is a woman's office who is off on sick leave until September, and she will hate me when she comes back and sees some 'kid' has her office and she is left without one. Also bad because it is SUCH a cluttered over decorated space that it makes my OCD freak. Hopefully, I can slyly move and organize all of her crap without anyone getting pissed.

-I came home from a LONG day at work to find this cute little fella hanging out on my laptop...

Bastina made him for me, and left him as a surprise when she was over here doing laundry today. I knew at once that it was a cupcake, and that I must name him 'Sprinkle'. In my world no other cupcakes exist. Yes, I did say HIM. Sprinkle is a boy who likes pink. Don't judge him...

Now it is time for the wise words...

{6.} Wise Words...

I am 24 years old. I am just getting started with my life. I have no idea how it will go, or where I will end up. That is the fun of life, right? The one thing I do know? I want to be happy.

Where do YOU want to be in five years?

xoxo

all grown up...

As many of you already know, today was the very first day of my very first out of college, real life, big girl job. It was a long day...that was pretty hectic and unorganized, but it was still a pretty darn good day! I am SUPER under qualified for the position but I have plans to fake it till I make it! I am sure there will plenty of posts about the job, as for now the day can be summed up by two photos...

This first picture is what my purse (why yes, it IS Coach, thanks for asking) looked like when I started my day this very morning. Please don't mind the tampons front and center. A girls gotta go what a girls gotta do...

This second picture is what my purse (yes, still the Coach one) looked like at the end of my day. Holy chaos Batman! Basically I had SO much paperwork shoved in the bag I feared for it's safety. If one of the straps would have ripped I would have shanked someone...

When I got home this evening I stopped by and picked up the mail, where there was this very bossy letter addressed to me. 'DO NOT FOLD'. Um. Hey packaging don't tell me what to do, aight? Anywho...

Said bossy ass package contained this lovely gem! Yep. Four years of higher education and I get a paper signed, sealed, delivered, it's mine!

So, what does this mean? It means that I have my first big girl job, and am now in possession of my diploma, documented by this very adult photograph. Brace yourself world...here I come...(twss! sorry I had to do it)...

So, what was YOUR first big time job? If you haven't had one yet, what is your dream job? Share with me in the comments section! Work horror stories are ALWAYS welcome...obvi.

xoxo