a guest post from 'delysia lefosse'{2.}...

Remember the first time Ms. Delysia Lefosse wrote a guest post for this blog? Yep. She needed some advice and wanted to vent anonymously and I told her she was welcome to take over my blog anytime. Well, that time has come again. Here is Round 2 with Ms. Lefosse.

xoxo-Alexandria

"Scared shitless doesn’t even begin to explain the feelings I am going through right now. You know that feeling that you get when you know something is about to drop from a high distance onto someone, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. That is the kind of feeling I am having, just magnified by twelve. I don’t even know how it is like this. I mean, I beg and plead, and pray, that some awesome guy will come into my life and nothing happens for a long time. Then, out of nowhere comes this man who is amazing, and thinks I’m great too. Now, I feel like it’s just too much. I deserve this too! Not to be selfish or anything, but I literally deserve this relationship. Honest to heaven above. So why, oh why can I not let myself be happy. Okay, it’s not that I am not happy, I am happy, I am just having so many aches and pains and I feel like my heart is full to the brim. Not with love, but with confusion and heartache. Like some sort of spirit is floating above me at all times, and when it sees that I am getting comfortable it drops down a load of bricks into my heart and starts to build up this huge wall.

I am thinking to myself, I need to stick this out. I need to just run as fast as I can from this lingering spirit above me and show everyone that despite its greatest efforts, it cannot weigh me down!! I am WOMAN! I say to myself in my best Tarzan type voice, beating my chest with my fists. This is not going to happen again! I will open my heart, let someone in, and learn to show respect and care for them. Then, it catches up with me and I just feel like I am taking advantage of this whole situation. Why be in a relationship that you know isn’t going to go anywhere but to the movies, hiking, and maybe fishing. My logic is because I need to build my character and be someone who can take care of someone, and see the “type” of people I want to be with. Real life logic says, stop stringing around this guy if you aren’t going to commit seriously.

I have so much I want to do, but no idea how to do it. I want to travel abroad, move around, have a million different jobs. I want to be single when all my friends come home from their missions so I can hang out with them and learn from them, and date them. Selfish? Probably. True? Most assuredly.

I don’t want to be single when I’m single. I don’t want to be in a relationship when I’m in a relationship.

I feel like in this relationship, he is there just to make me feel better. I don’t ever do anything for him. Not that I don’t want to, just that, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a lovey dovey or anything, and I don’t want people to think we are getting married because we aren’t. I plan on serving a mission, and even though it isn’t required of me... I feel like it should be. Maybe my idea will change on that eventually, but for now, it’s pretty solid. Okay not pretty, REALLY. Just what am I supposed to do? How do I go about making this better? Someone is going to get hurt and it’s going to be horrible. I hate it when people hurt, especially when I am the one doing the hurting. I’m freaking out inside right now, FREAKING OUT!

Love-Ms. Delysia Lefosse"

Okay, so who has advice to give? Wise words? Anything? Please, help out in the comments section!

xoxo