always alexandria's greatest hits {2.}...

It is day two in celebrating my blog's almost second birthday! I hope you all enjoyed the revolting post that I picked yesterday, if you didn't get to check it out click here. Now onto the next hit...

Always Alexandria's Greatest Hits #2:

Post Title: 'A Walk Down Memory Lane...'

Posted: November 18th, 2009

This isn't a happy, funny, cheerful post. But it is a raw, loving, real post. This was one of the hardest times I have ever been through and this blog and all of my ibffs support meant so much to me.

xoxo

it's pretty much a sad day...

I love reading everyone's posts about their fathers. Then I want to write my own Father's Day post, but it makes me feel weird, and I get a little emotional because I have to use past tense when I talk about my dad. I can't say, "He is such an amazing man." I have to say, "He WAS such an amazing man." But then I think, at least I get to say that. At least I can say I had a great dad, he was always there, he was funny, he pissed me off, he loved me. He really WAS an amazing man.

Happy Father's Day to all of the amazing dads out there, but especially to my own. I miss you pops.



xoxo

wise words wednesday {24.}...

This weekend I decided I was going to get stuff together to decorate my new office at work (Okay...I have had it since January 3rd, but I have been busy and haven't had time to decorate. For shame!) I have a pretty spacious office...it has two desks in it, but no one uses the second desk. Basically it is a pretty blah space at the moment. I decided the best thing to start with is a picture collage. I mean what is better than pictures of those that we love to perk up a space? Nothing, in my humble opinion. So, I started to peruse my picture archives and I put together quite a lovely collage. As I looked at my finished product I examined it and felt so blessed. Why? Because of the crazy amount of love I have in my life. Here is just a little gander at the different kinds of love I am lucky enough to have...

{24.} Wise Words....

"All you need is love."-The Beatles

{1.} Grandpa and Step-Grandma.

{2.} Brother Jason and Niece Jordan

{3.} The whole H-Family clan

{4.} Future-Sister-In-Law-Bastina, Bff Ashton, and Bff Lauren

{5.} Dad

{6.} Bff-Sister-from-Another-Mister- Jil

{7.} Lifelong-Bff Fabi

{8.} Mama

{9.} Bug

{10.} Brother Jonathan and Bastina

You all made the office picture collage. Why? Just cause I love ya!

xoxo

one year ago...

One year ago today I said goodbye to my dad for the last time. I remember the night before he passed so vividly. My brothers sleeping on the floor in the living room, my uncle on the couch, my mom and I in my dads bed, right next to the hospital bed where my dad was unconscious. I remember how that night, when no one was looking I went and sat next to my dad. I like to think that he knew I was there and that he heard all that I said to him. I will not go into detail about what all I said, just some things that needed to be said, some apologies I needed to make. Then I let go of his hand, kissed him on the forehead and whispered, "It's okay Dad. We are all going to be okay. We are all here. I love you. It is time to go. Dad, I love you and it is okay for you to go. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." I later found out that my brothers had similar conversations with my dad that same evening.

At 4:54 a.m. my mom woke me up and told me my dad had passed away. I sat up out of bed, looked to my right and I could have sworn he was just sleeping. My brother Jon-than came in and kissed him, while I sat on the bed crying. Jon-than sat down and held my hand while we waited for the coroner to come to declare the time of death.

It was hard. It was sad. It is still hard, and still sad. I miss my dad. As much as he used to drive me crazy, I miss him like crazy. The hardest thing was not having him there when I graduated from college. That was always SO important to him. But I did take a picture of us to graduation, so he was in my pocket as I walked on to that stage and received my diploma. So now I just have some words of advice. Be kind to the people you love. Tell them how you feel, don't ever wait to do so. Enjoy the time you have with loved ones, because it is always limited.

Dad, I love you and I miss you. A lot.

xoxo

i challenge you {3.}...

It is day/post 3 of 'The 30 Day/Post Challenge'! I am not making very serious headway with this challenge. Oh, well it will be done in time.

Day 3-Your Parents...

My dad? My dad and I had a very odd relationship. We loved each other fiercely of course, but we also had a talent for driving one another absolutely crazy. He was extremely conservative; where I am very liberal. I basically grew up trying to drive him crazy with my wild and crazy ways! I blame the generation differences, it is obvious my dad is MUCH older than my mom is. He was a good man, he was a good father, and I miss him a lot. Thankfully after much pain and suffering, he is now in a better place.

My mom? Oh, my mom. The dazzling woman who gave me my life's blood...and my attitude problem. My mom also can drive me crazy, but only in the sense that I am basically a 24 year old version of her. We are SO similar it is kind of freaky. Do we have our differences? Yes. But, she is my hero. She is my best friend. She is the best mother on the planet. She inspires me on a daily basis, and she has taught me how to be a strong independent woman. There are so many things I could thank her for. She is my heart. Forever & always.

xoxo

question and answer...

So...remember when I was kind of an entertaining blogger? You know. The good ol' days when school and crazy life business didn't get in the way of me being able to bring you a post at least four times a week? Yep. Those were fun times. I was struggling today with what to write about. I want to get back into the regular habit of blogging...and then it clicked! I need to do a 'The Book of Questions' post! Are you new around here? Well here is the introductory post...you can read that and then click on the 'Book of Questions' label at the bottom of this post if you are so inclined to see ALL of these posts. On we go...

And I flipped the book to...

Question #45: Someone very close to you is in pain, paralyzed, and will die within a month. He begs you to give him poison so that he can die. Would you? What if it were your father?

Answer: Um. Well that is a feel good question if I have ever heard one. It is times like this when I wish I could break my own rule and flip to a different question. But alas I am a control freak...and I must abide by the rules...

This is a tough question. It is like 'Million Dollar Baby' tough (have you all seen that movie? um. devastating). I fully believe in doctor assisted suicide. I think it is a persons right to choose, while in the right mind set, if they would want to live or die if they are in a medical situation such as the one in the question. I personally would not want to live in pain, and be paralyzed in bed for a month or months on end. That is MY opinion on that.

However, when it comes to doing that for someone else...I do not think I could do it. I do have a little experience in this area. As many of my blog friends know, my dad passed away from cancer in November. During the last two weeks of his life he was in a hospital bed at home, where he couldn't move, eat, or really speak. It was shocking to see this once boisterous ball busting man diminished to 70-something pounds. He was in pain despite the medication. It was a horrible thing to see. All any of us wanted to do was to make the whole ordeal be over as quickly as possible. If I would have been brave enough I maybe would have considered helping him pass, but as it was the only thing I could do was kiss his forehead and whisper to him, "Dad, we are all here. We love you. It is okay to go. Please go. It's okay now."

There is no chance that I could have ended his life for him, even if he was able to beg me to do so. Did I want his pain to end? Of course. But I just could not live with the knowledge that I had done such a thing. All I could offer to him were those simple words. Therefore, since I wouldn't be able to do it for my own father, I most certainly would not be able to do it for a stranger.

Wow. That was heavy. At least for me it was. Alright, now for the best part! Let's have a discussion in the comments section...what is YOUR answer to this question? Please share!

xoxo

the end of an era...

Do you all remember when your parents would ask you the most annoying question on the face of the planet? Yes, I am speaking of the despised "If your friends all jumped off a cliff would you do it too?" question. Whenever, I was asked that I typically said yes. Which is why I am going to join everyone in blogging about this past year. Also, I am sick and had to cancel plans to stay home so I have nothing better to do with my time.

My 2009 in review:

{1.} Even though the presidential election was won in November, Barack Obama's inauguration was in January. I supported Obama politically and was so amazed and touched on the day of his win and his inauguration. It was the beginning of something new. It was an end of what I considered to be eight years of bad choices. I sat in front of my television and sobbed because I was given hope that maybe someday we will live in a world where racism no longer exists.

{2.} I made real friends with my brother Jon-than's girlfriend Bastina Balicious (real name Christina). They have been dating for over two years I believe but, it took us a bit to warm up to each other. However, I adore her. She has helped my brother become a more responsible man and a better person. She is most definitely good enough for him, maybe even too good! Bastina, I am glad that we are friends. Thank you for all you do for our family, whether it be playing with Bug endlessly, talking books for hours with me, or forcing Jon-than to spend time with his family! I especially appreciated your kindness during us all trying to deal with my Dad's passing. If you had not come up to hug me and rub my back at the burial I would have lost it. Thank you. I am glad we are real friends now and hopefully you will be a part of my family sometime soon. Love ya lady!

{3.} I took a semester to venture out into other majors because I began to doubt that I wanted to be a therapist. Yes, it put me back a semester but it also showed me that my passion lies in the field of psychology.

{4.} I discovered my own personal crack. Yes, I am speaking of the love affair that I have developed for Sprinkles Cupcakes. Yes, they may cost over $40 bones for a dozen...but they are worth every freaking penny!

{5.} Bff Jil's younger sister passed away. It was and is heartbreaking to watch her and her family go through that kind of pain. It showed me how lucky I am to call her a friend and an honorary member of The 'H' Family. It also made me realize how much I admire her for being the strong willed spitfire that she is. She says I am the tough one...but she is equally if not more stoic than I. Jily I love you big time and think of you as family. Jacob is lucky to be able to call you Aunt Honey. Let's both just be glad that 2009 is finally over. Here is to another year of laughs, tears, and love in our fake-lesbian relationship. You are the best!

{6.} I joined a gym! Even though I have sucked it up lately due to school being crazy but, I will go back to being more diligent about attending. Yoga, The Challenge, and the elliptical prepare to be conquered. Bff Jil, please hold me accountable on this one! We were SO good about always going! Let's do this!

{7.} I developed a hardcore fangirl worship of 'The Twilight Saga'. Yes, I was late to that game. I am now in love with Edward freaking Cullen and the hotness that is Robert Pattinson...le swoon.

{8.} I stood up for what I believed in many, many, MANY, times this past year. I have strong opinions. If one does not agree that is fine and I will respect it as long as that same respect is reciprocated. I protested a few times and it was amazing. It made me feel powerful, united, and proud that I stood my ground and made sure my voice was heard. I live by the philosophy, "You have the right NOT to remain silent." Amen to that.

{9.} I lost my Dad in 2009. It has been almost two months since he passed away. I miss him. I miss arguing over politics with him. I miss arguing about religion with him. I miss him driving me crazy 99% of the time. However, I am happy he had a good long life and that we are all there with him the night he passed. Even though he was basically in a coma, I still like to think that when my brothers and myself told him it was okay to go, that he heard us. I think the loss of him has made me appreciate my family even more. I love them all and am so happy they are in my life.

{10.} This one is for you guys! In August of 2009 is when this here blog began. It started as a joke...something to fill my time over Summer break. It has turned into one of my favorite things to do. Srsly. I write or contribute to about four blogs now! It is taking over my life. I have met AMAZING people through this little blog universe. Many who I actually consider my friends. Someday I promise I will meet ALL of you! Cross country road trip? Holla!

So thank you lovely readers and friends of my blog! Here's to another year full of blog land fun!

Peace out 2009!

i am thankful...

Hey, do you guys remember Thanksgiving of '09? Pretty epic right? Although the memories are kind of blurry being that is was SO long ago...

Ok, whatever. I have been busy and a blog slacker and I never blogged about Thanksgiving but now the time has come. Technically, these are only photographs from Thanksgiving with side notes about things I am thankful for...(why did I feel the need to spell this post out for y'all? I have no clue.)

I am thankful for my beautiful niece, who never fails to make me smile...

I am thankful for grandparents who love to fish and keep my freezer full of salmon...

I am thankful that I snapped this photo of my brother and niece being total mouth-breathers...sicknast...

I am thankful that I got my height from my dad's side of the family...Mom, I love you and all but you are sort of a munchkin. I am not thankful that I have a ginormous 'fivehead' lord almighty...

I am thankful that I have a brother who is a devout member of 'The Church of The Food Network' and can cook up some srsly delicious food...

I am thankful that my OTHER brother brought this lovely gal home one day...she gives me great blogging material...I mean really? This picture is epic. Bastina is gangsta...

I am thankful that over Thanksgiving, Grandpa and Bug solved many issues including: world peace...you can thank them later...

I am thankful that my niece does not let small things get in her way. Here she is 'playing' Wii Bowling even though her father will not share the control...check out that form...

I am thankful that my camera did not drink and drive...because judging by the blurriness of this picture it had had one too many shots...

I am thankful that after 26 years of Jon-thans existence I finally have a picture where he is not strangling our mother...

I am thankful he did not cut off all of my oxygen while strangling me...gotta love big brothers...right? Right...

I am thankful that my brother is with this gal. She makes him happy...and seeing him happy makes me happy...

I am thankful that I belong to a family full of rock stars. Case and point...that girl is ready to rock...

Most of all, I am thankful that even though this was our first holiday together after my Dad passed away we all still laughed, bickered, and loved. We all had a sense of peace...

I am thankful.

a walk down memory lane...

As you all know by now, my Dad passed away a little less than a week ago. I miss him more than I ever thought that I could. That may sound like a crappy thing to say but I think it is safe to say that we pretty much drove each other crazy. Not in a 'I hate you so much' kind of a way but in a 'we both think we are right about everything and the other is wrong' kind of a way. I suppose you could say we were two very similar people...except for we stood on the opposite sides of almost EVERY single issue.

Did we fight? Yep. Did we disagree? On almost everything. Did we still love each other? Absolutely.

My Dad was 81 years old. Yep...he is over 25 years older than my mother. He didn't have his first child (my older brother) until he was in his late 50's. Crazy, right?! Right. So I believe this generation gap was the cause of most of our arguments. He wanted me to be a little lady who was polite and sweet and always wore dresses. I grew up to be polite and loud and opinionated and I could not tell you the last time I put a dress on! Another big area of disagreement came from this....

I am awesome AND a Democrat...

He was wrong AND a Republican...

The two of us argued politics every single time we talked...and I think I will miss that most of all...even though we made each other mad it was still fun. I keep thinking about Thanksgiving and who is going to talk politics with me for hours on end this year...

This was back when we agreed on a lot. That sandwiches are delicious...and that I had a gigantic head. I believe I inherited that from him. We also had exactly the same amount of hair on our heads...

Dad, one of my brothers, and myself. this was my brothers 23rd birthday dinner. This was two days before my 21st birthday. I was bummed because we were at The Melting Pot and I technically couldn't order my first legal drink quite yet. My Dad was awesome and ordered ONE chocolate martini for me...he had ONE glass of wine. We were both tipsy by the time we left...total lightweights...

Another example of our mutual stubbornness is this lovely little tattoo I put on my foot when I was dumb and 20.I had every intention of hiding it from my pops...that is until my niece grabbed my foot the next day and I screamed because it was tender. The look my father gave me after he told me to wash it off and I said I couldn't should have left me dead in the hallway...why is this ironic?

I know this picture is hard to see...because it is old and faded and my baby bottle was blocking the view...but my Dad has been rocking this anchor tattoo on his forearm since he was 18 years old...

I am posting this because it was for some reason my Dad's favorite picture of his three kids. Probably because the boys have collared shirts on and I am in the frilliest dress known to man. Plus, the boys are not punching each other and I am not screaming for them to leave me alone...

This picture was taken at a little BBQ my mom had for me after I received my associates degree...yeah I know not really something to celebrate but try to tell that to my parents! I didn't walk in my graduation from community college because I was heading over to a 4 year university to finish up my bachelor's. My dad was disappointed but I told him he would get to see me walk this May when I was really done. It breaks my heart that he will never get to see that...although it makes me happy that one of the last conversations that I had with him he told me how proud of me he was. If you are wondering if I will have a picture of him under my graduation gown this coming May...I so will...

This may not be the most heartwarming 'tributes' but it is real. My Dad and I were very different, we were also similar in so many ways. We loved AND we argued. We had ups AND downs. I know there is no way I would be who I am if he didn't exist...and for that I am grateful.

Rest in peace Dad...you are already beyond missed. I also solemnly swear to NEVER vote Republican (sorry but some things will never change)...

Feel free to comment with some of YOUR favorite memories of your parents...or some of YOUR least favorite memories...because in the end they are ALL important.

xoxo