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Friday, October 30, 2009

mail time...

A few people use this new feature on their blogs...so I am basically thieving someone else's idea. But I am fessing up to it...so that makes it okay right? Right!

I love mail. Not bills and postcards from my dentists telling me it is time to get my teeth cleaned. But the occasional little note from someone or birthday cards...you know fun stuff like that. So since I love mail I am sending out some letters of my very own...

Dear Nails,

Hi, you look lovely right now all painted up with 'Sally Hensen Insta-Dri, one stroke polish in Rapid Red'. I am really happy that I decided to stop biting you. I really only stopped because I realized that it is sicknast that I touch stuff all day long and then put my germy hands in my mouth. It wasn't because I wanted you to grow and look pretty. But you do look fab so good on ya, mate! (bet you didn't know I speak Australian...yep I do.)

Dear Costco,

I love that you have everything on the planet one would need to survive a nuclear holocaust. Like seriously, I could move into Costco and live there the rest of my life and have everything I could ever desire. I hate going to you because every single time I come to visit it is 'old people day'. Don't get me wrong I love me some old people, just not when they stop in the middle of the aisles and just stand there looking confused. Or when they are standing in a line to get a free taste of something that they will never ever buy, like hot pockets. However, you sell churros so I will not hold the old people thing against you. The end.

Dear Blackberry,

I don't have one of you nor do I want one. I do take some serious issue with the fact that you have used some crappy cover of a Beatles song in your new commercial. The Beatles rule the musical universe...no one should ever cover them (unless you are in the movie 'Across the Universe'...then you will be forgiven because that movie is amazing!)That is blasphemy and you should never ever do it again. Thank you.

Dear Bill O'Reilly,
Shut up. Thank you.

Dear Skin Cream I Cannot Remember The Name Of,
I had never heard of your brand before but I spotted you while I was dodging old people in Costco and I realized you have the worst ad slogan I have ever seen. Writing, 'Do you have a turkey neck?' on a skin cream for women is just plain crazy. Even if I had a turkey neck I would never buy a product that said it would get rid of it because that would be mortifying. Hire some better advertisers.

Dear Glee,

In between studying for my killer bio psych exam and working on my senior seminar term paper I will be watching you. I feel very left out when everyone talks about this fabulous show because I have yet to view you. Which, if you know me, you know it is pure insanity that I am not watching...because I love musicals more than any gay man alive. Witness.

Dear Woman Who Cut Me Off Today,

You made me very angry. It would be nice if you didn't pull out in front of someone who is going 55 mph and then drive slower than a snail slithers (or whatever snails do). It would also be nice if you didn't flip me off when I honked because you almost made my car smash into yours. I also wish that I wouldn't have gone into a rage blackout (holla Summer from the O.C.) and passed you and flipped you off while your child (that I did NOT see ahead of time) was in the passenger seat. I laughed my booty off when I read the, "Teach Peace" sticker you had on your back window when you re-passed me, and then continued to drive at 10 mph. Yes, I do know that I have road rage.

Dear Term Paper,

Sorry that I have been procrastinating and not working on you as much as I should have. Even though I have been procrastinating you must love that I forgot I was writing you last night and slipped into 'blog writing mode' and typed 'lamespice'. I have apparently been reading far too much BBL. I was half-tempted to leave it in there...because my professor would have loved it.

Dear Weekend,

I am very happy you are finally here. It has been a loooong week and I needed you severely. In between studying and homework catch-up I have some super secret plans to work out. Oh, you want some hints? Let's just say it maybe, sorta, kinda, might rhyme with 'liveaway'.

Does anyone want to send some mail with me? Join in, it's a party! Until next week blog world.

Oh, and everyone have a Happy Halloween!

12 comments:

Allison said...

Dear Alexandria,
I totally love writing letters too. And you are pretty much the fo-shizzle. (Bet you didn't know I could speak wannabe gansta- yes. I can). Have an amazing Halloween, and don't kill yourself on MBP's window tonight! :D

Alexandria said...

Oh Allison...you have no idea how thrilled I am that someone else speaks fluent wanna-be-gansta! Word.

I know their window is tricky...I will be careful though...that is if I ever get around to making all the paper hearts I promised Calvin I would tape to his car!

amanda leeann said...

i heart across the universe. fo' real.

happy halloween translates into "happy birthday amanda" in my little world =]

Alexandria said...

Of course you love it Amanda..because you are smart. All who are intelligent folk love that movie because it was A.Maz.Ing!

Happy Birthday Amanda! Hope it is a fabulous one!

Lauren said...

Dear Alexandria,
I came across your blog after a series of random clicking, and it totally rocks! Please watch Glee and have a sing a long, I know I do everytime I watch it and it makes me smile :)

Living In Your Letters said...

I am so excited for you to watch Glee!!! You will love it.
I agree 100% about the Beatles covers. I have found one or two covers over the years that I like (many from Across the Universe)...but for a commercial? That is a big no no.
And you should leave 'lamespice' in your paper! Just to see if the professor even catches it...maybe he/she reads BBL too! You never know... :)

Mariaana said...

I love this post! Makes me want to get out my cute, pink princess and girl-pirates note cards (uh... yeah... I am a child at heart) and just write whatever's on my mind to whoever I'm thinking off and mail them... Only I don't have any stamps... So I might have to do one of these posts in the nearby future as well :)

A Sort Of Fairy Tale said...

cute...love the letters! happy share fest saturday!

Ivy said...

Yay! Your letters post was great and made me feel like my younger self again (there isn't a big diff. in our ages... but I am married with 4 kiddos and sometimes it is just fun to read my old self) You typed what I would have typed... Love that.
You should totally do the 'lamespice' by BBL and see what your prof. says. That would be a new post right there :)
Cheers Lady

Alexa Mae said...

Dear Alexandria,
this was hilarious. i love you and i love your amazing comments. you crack me up. thanks for being amazing!

love,
alexandria {aka alexa mae ;)}

Just Jil said...

Dear Alexandria...Uhh can you please post something new. You know how lame I am..and that's what I look forward to each day while plunking away at work! So please get on it..thanks! (although you have a small pass since I know what has been taking up your time this weekend!!)
Oh and maybe could you bring me a rice krispy treat? lol

~me

MoreThanMyOwnLife said...

Dear Alexandria,

I adore letters to things/people/places. They are my fav. I wish I would have started watching Glee, but sadly I watch too many shows as it is and my homework is suffering. I hate term papers. I have one due Thursday and I may or may not have started it yet. I hope you enjoyed your Halloween and the rest of your rice krispie treats!!

Lots o' love,
Vanessa